This blog

Never kept a blog before - although I kept diary as a kid.  Safe under lock and key.  This is a lot different - have to think before I speak since everything is public.  But want to keep it honest too.  Perhaps some will tire of hearing me speak about my church or God.   Sorry - God is a BIG part of my life.  Being bipolar II has created so many problems in my life - but when I stay grounded in a good church, with friends, responsibilities, and positive feedback, then I notice that I do so much better.  Being bipolar is such a headache sometimes - the simplest comment can trigger tears.  Being hypersensitive feels like a curse, but I stay on my meds, attend regular counseling, and try to grow beyond the stupid patterns that I seem stuck in sometimes.  Finally found a therapist that deals in post-tramatic stress.  Since I have a dual diagnosis of the bipolar and borderline personality, it can be challenging to change my responses to stress.  Hate being perceived as a "crybaby".  But, I try to not give up - although some days I pray for God to take me home - but fortunately for me, He doesn't listen when I am allowing the weight and emotions to overwhelm me.  But it is so nice when God confirms that He doesn't put me down either for being this way.  He just encourages me to take things one-day-at-a-time and give my problems to him as best I can.   I realized last night that I actually have TWO blogs here.  The other is called Maggie's Thoughts n More.  I am posting to both for now.  We'll see how long that lasts.  Hopefully someone can relate to me and my stuff and be helped too.  Have started a ONE-YEAR Bible reading program which we broke down into 3-month segments.  Not doing too badly.  Had music practice tonight at church - a little challenging since the keys used tonight were a little difficult for me.  I'm going to see a piano teacher next month - I would like to learn how to play chords since I play by ear a little.  We don't have a pianist at present - so perhaps I will be able to learn to play better and be able to contribute something there.  We'll see how it goes.  Figure it would be good therapy too to build self-esteem.  Have a ladies meeting Thursday - excited to see the different projects we will come up with.  Have heard good things that some are going to bring and share.  We realized that Mountain Mike's has small plastic cups for ice cream that we can use as soap molds.  Have some really cute soaps in a book that I have gotten from my book club.  Will be really nice if we can get numerous projects completed for sale at the end of the year to raise funds.  Going to stop for now.  Hopefully my student will be able to come Sunday - looking forward to seeing how the class goes.