Disappointments

I had thought that my penpal from Germany was going to be able to come visit in March.  Unfortunately - there were prior commitments to another friend in San Diego and some health problems cropped up for her.  Been feeling a little depressed lately - I usually visit family back east every 2-3 years.  This is coming up on the 4th year since my last visit.  I made the mistake of watching "Rainman" the other night - my oldest son is autistic and the movie almost always triggers intense feelings of separation from him.  Still struggling with medication issues too.  My dosage for my bipolar medication is very light and lately have been having extreme mood swings.  The crying for no reason really bugs me.   Still struggling with some church projects - one in particular - the directory.  Will be glad to see the finish of it.

Oktapodi (2007) - Oscar 2009 Animated Short Film

Bipolar - more new meds

Not sure if I mentioned before - but a few months ago, my liver enzyme  numbers went too high.  That got me taken off of my main mood stabilizer, Depakote (also called Depakene).  Been struggling since trying to find medication that works as well.  Tried Seroquel, not too bad, BUT the dosage was too low to be of much therapeudic value according to my new doctor.  Just started Respiridone.  First day ok - but woke up after second dose with massive migraine.  Have a history of migraines, but have rarely had them since becoming post-menopausal.  Tomorrow morning should let me know if I will need to contact my doctor and keep looking.  I'm one of those individuals that have a high incidence of side effects, at least ones that are bad enough to change the medication.  My doctor said we are running out of meds to use.  If you pray - please pray that we can find something that works well without any bad effects.  I really don't want to go back on Lithium because of the weight-gain issues.  I had recently lost weight since coming off the Depakene - but learned a long time ago that no medication is worse than weight gain.  Been a long journey learning to like myself at the heavier weight.  Have gained around 100 pounds since I started meds in '92.  Very hard to lose on them - I know not impossible - but hard to maintain momentum when you work SO hard to eat properly and see very little change.  I have made some good changes though.  I drink sparkling water now - instead of soda.  That has helped me to drink more water since I don't like still water as much.  The water in the area we live in now has a weird after-taste - so the canned or bottled water really helps.   Having God is my life helps a lot.  I have a lot of suicidal thoughts or feelings when I am really stressed.  But have learned that if I can ride out the feeling - it will pass.  I think God helps me to realize this and He helps me to know when to take additional medication as needed.  I know some people my think that sharing this type of info is unwise - but I hope that sharing my struggles will help someone else to realize that:  1) see a doctor if you are struggling so much emotionally that it disrupts your life.  2) Get on the proper medication and STAY on it.  Don't stop just because you start to feel a little better.  That just makes you crash later.  3) Get support.  If you don't have family to give you the emotional support you need - then see a therapist if you have insurance or get into a good church family with people who can care about you.  It can take a few tries to find a good church.  If one fails you - keep trying until you find one with sincere, caring people.  4)  Share with others, but choose carefully.  Unloading ALL your problems to the wrong person can set you back.  It takes a special kind of person to be able to support you.  Don't expect too much from your friends.  Save the heaviest stuff for someone that you KNOW can listen, be supportive, and not judge.  It takes TIME to build that kind of friendship.  It is better if you can find a good SUPPORT GROUP that you can vent to.  Then you can lean on other friends with the smaller stuff and not burn out your friends around  you.  5) Realize that your negative thoughts / feelings come from within.  People and situtations may be triggers, but YOU hold the key to HOW you react and staying on proper meds will help you to deal with stress appropriately.  If you are not handling stress in appropriate ways - then let your doctor or therapist know so that you can work on strengthening your coping strategies or adjusting your meds.   I hope that sharing this helps someone else.

(Original) Misty Memories - Sungha Jung

(Original) Tree in the Water - Sungha Jung

Indianapolis - Walk Down Memory Lane

The fountains at Garfield Park hold fond memories.  If you haven't visisted the Sunken Gardens - you should.  Not sure if they are lighting them up at night like they used to.  My dad used to drive and park in front of the entrance steps that went down into them.  The fountains would be lighted up and change colors from lights mounted underneath the water.  They were beautiful.   They have the entire garden surrounded by iron fencing now and there isn't a street in front of them now that you can drive through.  I found a secret stairway behind the gardens built into the hillside and I used to cut across the park using them.  Funny how much I traveled along when I was a child - I would never have allowed mine to travel these areas now.  No longer safe for children to be alone.  Sad.  Hated to see the old swimming pool get torn out.  Chilly memories of using the old bath house before entering where they made you shower in COLD water first before you could swim.  I'm putting a photo of Roselyn's Bakery that used to be downtown on the corner of Washington / Pennsylvania.  I don't think there are ANY left now.  If I'm wrong - please let me know where one is.   I used to live in a brownstone building at the corner of McCarthy / Pennsylvania when I was a toddler.  They were the only brownstones (there were two side-by-side) in that immediate area.  There was a Wake-Up gas station next door on the actual corner.  There was another Wake-Up station on Shelby Street across from Greiner's Subs.  Funny how I miss Sap's Bakery - which I now know wasn't really a bakery.  They shipped their goods in from another location.  They were close to Troy Avenue / Allen.  Would love to get comments from anyone that also lived in the area.  Is Madison Flower Shop still next to Manuel High School?  Any class of '73 reading this?  What about Needler's Ice Cream drive-in?  I used to work there as a teenager as a carhop.   Went to the Bobby Sherman concert at Clowes hall - the summer of 1970.  Main memory there is being knocked over a chair when the guards were pushing us back and the ones behind me were pushing forward.   Got a ticket for jaywalking the first day of high school.  Amazing memories of B & W Rootbeer stand at Shelby / Hannah.  Turned into a car lot later.  The photos below - 1) fountain at Garfield Park.  2) Postcard of Garfield Park - probaby when it was Southern Riding Park.  It was renamed Garfield Park after President Garfield's assassination.  As mentioned before - photo 3) Roselyn Bakery downtown (1960s).                                                                         

Primeval - New Season

Has anyone watched this show?  I really enjoyed the first season and was sorry to see Professor Cutter's character killed off.  Plus they killed off Stephen too - bummer.  Anyway - the new season - does anyone else think the creatures are more bogus looking?  They used to do an excellent job on making them seem real.  Now they obviously look digitally-created.  I hope they wise up before they end up canceled AGAIN and permanently this time.  The old man that Matt keeps close to - I think that he is Connor from the future.  Only time will tell if I'm right.  I hope they last long enough for me to find out.  And I think Matt is Connor's son from the future.  But today's episode confused me - since they indicated that the old man is Emily's father.   I wish they had continued Helen's storyline and let us know the reason for the clone army she created.  Anyone remember the NBC series, "Surface"?  I didn't find out about that until after it was canceled.  I watched the first 10 minutes and was hooked enough to buy the dvd of all the episodes made.  15 in all - really hated where it ended - was an excellent ending for a season cliff-hanger.  Give me your thoughts on these two shows if you have seen them.  If you haven't, check them out.