Bipolar - more new meds

Not sure if I mentioned before - but a few months ago, my liver enzyme  numbers went too high.  That got me taken off of my main mood stabilizer, Depakote (also called Depakene).  Been struggling since trying to find medication that works as well.  Tried Seroquel, not too bad, BUT the dosage was too low to be of much therapeudic value according to my new doctor.  Just started Respiridone.  First day ok - but woke up after second dose with massive migraine.  Have a history of migraines, but have rarely had them since becoming post-menopausal.  Tomorrow morning should let me know if I will need to contact my doctor and keep looking.  I'm one of those individuals that have a high incidence of side effects, at least ones that are bad enough to change the medication.  My doctor said we are running out of meds to use.  If you pray - please pray that we can find something that works well without any bad effects.  I really don't want to go back on Lithium because of the weight-gain issues.  I had recently lost weight since coming off the Depakene - but learned a long time ago that no medication is worse than weight gain.  Been a long journey learning to like myself at the heavier weight.  Have gained around 100 pounds since I started meds in '92.  Very hard to lose on them - I know not impossible - but hard to maintain momentum when you work SO hard to eat properly and see very little change.  I have made some good changes though.  I drink sparkling water now - instead of soda.  That has helped me to drink more water since I don't like still water as much.  The water in the area we live in now has a weird after-taste - so the canned or bottled water really helps.   Having God is my life helps a lot.  I have a lot of suicidal thoughts or feelings when I am really stressed.  But have learned that if I can ride out the feeling - it will pass.  I think God helps me to realize this and He helps me to know when to take additional medication as needed.  I know some people my think that sharing this type of info is unwise - but I hope that sharing my struggles will help someone else to realize that:  1) see a doctor if you are struggling so much emotionally that it disrupts your life.  2) Get on the proper medication and STAY on it.  Don't stop just because you start to feel a little better.  That just makes you crash later.  3) Get support.  If you don't have family to give you the emotional support you need - then see a therapist if you have insurance or get into a good church family with people who can care about you.  It can take a few tries to find a good church.  If one fails you - keep trying until you find one with sincere, caring people.  4)  Share with others, but choose carefully.  Unloading ALL your problems to the wrong person can set you back.  It takes a special kind of person to be able to support you.  Don't expect too much from your friends.  Save the heaviest stuff for someone that you KNOW can listen, be supportive, and not judge.  It takes TIME to build that kind of friendship.  It is better if you can find a good SUPPORT GROUP that you can vent to.  Then you can lean on other friends with the smaller stuff and not burn out your friends around  you.  5) Realize that your negative thoughts / feelings come from within.  People and situtations may be triggers, but YOU hold the key to HOW you react and staying on proper meds will help you to deal with stress appropriately.  If you are not handling stress in appropriate ways - then let your doctor or therapist know so that you can work on strengthening your coping strategies or adjusting your meds.   I hope that sharing this helps someone else.